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He’s in an emotional storm that will test the patience and endurance of all those who love him as he comes to grips with the fact that he is no longer 25. He will be blaming you as it is, because he knows he’s not wrong.
There’s not much you can do to speed up his passage through this crisis in your lives.
As hard as it may be to stand back and watch him self-destruct, that is the role you will have to take.
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He wants to sell the house and get a little place in the mountains or a sailboat and sail to the islands. He changes his hair style, starts a diet and joins the local gym. We are talking about the man who has up to this point assumed responsibility and been the person you could depend upon in time of need. You can rage and make demands that he clean up his act.
He needs time to think about ‘things.’ He wants space. We’re not talking about the man who has always been a womanizer, a schemer or generally not the nicest person in the world.
When you get angry it is perfectly all right for you to express that anger.
He has remained with his original wife and their relationship has been redefined to better meet his needs. Should you try to wait for this crisis to end, for your lives to return to where they used to be?
He has his space and a home in the country that allows him to “entertain” when he feels the need and she has her space and their home in the city that allows her a place to pound on the walls and scream when she feels the urge. Sometimes referred to as ‘male menopause,’ male midlife is not nice for any of the players involved. It might take the patience of Job and the result may still not be the one you want. Once he has made his passage he will not be the same. Suicide offers the promise of release from seemingly unbearable emotional pain.
If he’s between the ages of 35 and 50, your man is blazing a trail through male midlife – he’s having a crisis.
One mid-50’s midlife graduate says it made him a better person.